Thursday, April 14, 2011

To my daughter on Mother’s Day (May 2008)


Images of my angel Getzia, and her baby Jayleanna, a montage by my sister, Marie.

Remembering is an act of resurrection, each repetition a vital layer of mourning, in memory of those we are sure to meet again. ~Nancy Cobb

I wanted to write something about you today.  It is Mother's Day already, and I am sitting here, crying.  I miss you.  I miss you, but I understand that you are happy now.  You're not hurting anymore, and that gives me a sense of peace.  There have been times when I was angry at you.  Yes, I was angry that you left Jayle when she was so little.  That you didn't think about her before you ended your life.  I wanted you to think about her, the way I thought about you.  I could never end my life because if I had, I would've never been able to see you again.  The thought of seeing you again kept me alive.

Today, I understand why you did what you did.  It took me a long time, but I understand.  And I love you.  Like I told you once, a mother's love is forever.

It has been hard coping with your death, I thought I was going to die myself when they gave me the news.  I became a zombie, and for a long time, I watched the door hoping to see you come in.  I used to talk to you every day like you were still here.  And it helped.  And watching your baby's face helped.  But then again, I had to watch as they took her away to her father's house.  I have not seen her after that.  I have prayed every single day for her, and I know the angels are there, protecting her.  And I also know that everything is going to be alright.  I will see her again, just like I will see you again.  Sweet angel of mine, I love you so much!  I will miss you forever, my child.  And, for some reason, I know you know that.


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