Saturday, May 7, 2016

On your birthday and Mother's Day



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You are present today and always in everything I do.  Can't help thinking about you, my child: doesn't matter how long you have been gone for, I still can't believe you are not here anymore.  That you are not coming through that door, and I won't get to hear your voice and see your laughter and feel your physical presence and why not, taste your food.  You used to clean and cook like I do.   I miss seeing you in the kitchen and seeing you in general.   You are so beautiful, even though you are an angel now... I will talk about you in the present tense whenever I want.

You came into this world on a day like tomorrow: Sunday, May 8th, 1983: Mother's Day.  I will never forget that day.  It was a very hard labor that ended up in a C section, but it was worth it when I saw my very tiny bundle of joy.  You grew up to be a very beautiful smart and amazing young woman.  You had a beautiful smile that hid the most incredible pain in the world.  And then, you took your life.  On a Sunday as well:  Sunday, July 17, 2005.  The day that forever changed my life.  

It has been very hard to go on without you, but I had to do it.  Not only I get to live everyday with the pain that you are not here, your daughter is not allowed to see me and that is killing me alive.  Jayle is now 13 years old and she's beautiful like you, and so tall and smart, and caring, such a wonderful human being!  All I can do is pray for her so I don't go crazy.  My faith is the only thing keeping me alive and I will go on.  And I know I will see you again one day, and as sure as there is one day after the next, I will see my Jayle again.  Yes I will.  And so it is...  ♡˚˚°◦(◡‿◡)◦°˚˚♡




For you, my beautiful angel

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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Valentine's Day


This is my angel Getzia and I, on 1999.  
It was my birthday celebration at a friend's house in East Hartford, CT.


On this day, as I looked at this picture of Getzia and I for my birthday, a lot of memories came rushing back: the way I felt on that day, the gratitude to my friend Everson and his daughters for the birthday party, and to his eldest daughter for baking me a wonderful strawbery and cream cake.  Looking back at this picture on my birthday, it's a bittersweet memory of a happy time on my life.

And, as I celebrated my birthday, I couldn't help but thinking about Jayle and missing her so much!  I hoped to see her walking through the door with a little plant for my birthday like she used to do before.  She would disappear with her auntie and go buy me a plant for Valentine's day.  I used to love that.
As I remembered, I prayed that she was okay, knowing that I would see her again.  Jayle is all I have left from my Getzia, and she means the world to me.  
As the day came to a close, and I laid in my bed, I prayed again that she was safe and warm where she is, and that she always have enough.  That angels surround her always and that she is  safe, happy, healthy and at peace.  And that she always be loved.  
Gramma loves you more than you will ever know, my sweet girl!

❤❤❤

Saturday, February 7, 2015

For your baby, Jayleanna (Jayle)


Today marks 7 months since I saw Jayle for the last time.  The day I had to send her back to her father, after she begged me not to let her go back to that house.  The day I cannot forget. 

Not a single day has gone by since that I don't pray for her; that I ask the angels to surround her, protect and guide her.  To let her know how much I love her, and that I would give anything just to see her and hold her in my arms again and tell her that everything is going to be okay.

I have to believe everything is going to work out for the best.  Every little thing is going to be alright.
Jayle, grandma loves you more than you will ever know.  And I will see you again, my sweet girl, I will see you again.

Love always, 
Grandma

Monday, August 11, 2014

A prayer for Jayleanna

My granddaughter Jayleanna is my late daughter Getzia's child.  She went back to her father's house on August 7, 2014.  She is so afraid of her father, that she began shaking and crying and screaming for me not to let her go back to that house after he threatened her on the phone that morning.  She said, "I know I'm in trouble, he will beat me, please grandma don't let me go back! "  My heart just sank on my chest. I called the police, and DCYF to protect my granddaughter, but no one would do anything unless there are physical scars.  

I have tried to have these people listen to me, but DCYF will not have it.  This has been happening since Jayleanna was 4 years old.  To them, I am only a grandmother, I don't exist.  For years, I have been telling them my child is in danger with this man, with his extensive criminal record and now a registered sex offender.   What is wrong with this picture?  What has this child done to have to be subjected to this abuse by this man, both physical and emotional? 

I will not stop fighting for her until somebody listens.  Until there is change in the laws of this state.   Until she is safe by my side. I will not lose hope.  


 I will be saying this prayer every day from now on.  I will also ask the angels to protect her.  You are not alone, Jayle.  Grandma's here and I love you with all my heart.


  
Hold her hand, Jesus


Hold Jayle's hand, Jesus, hold her hand.

          Walk with her in the valley of her loneliness/pain/anxiety/distress and sorrows.

          Hold on to her, Jesus,when she's too afraid to think about her tomorrows.

          Let her lean on you, Jesus, when  she’s too weary to go on.

          Hold her hand, Jesus, through her days and nights until she sees the dawn.

Hold her hand, Jesus, hold Jayle's hand…