Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I thought of you today

I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too,

I think of you in silence I often speak your name
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame

Your memory is my keepsake with which I'll never part
God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

On your 8th angelversary...

Today I am sad and is perfectly normal...
Losing your loved one is always sad, especially a child;
But I will carry with me today all the good memories
of the time we spent together and they will comfort me.

I still have the drawing of your little hand on a
piece of paper, and all the I love you notes you wrote me when you were younger; looking at them brings back sweet memories...
Anniversaries are supposed to be happy, but not this one
but when a tear surfaces, I will say I love you, my angel;
I know you walk with me, always ....


Friday, July 12, 2013

Angel Moms

We have shared our tears and our sorrow,
We have given encouragement to each other,
Given hope for a brighter tomorrow,
We share the title of grieving mother.
Some of us lost older daughters or sons,
Who we watched grow over the years,
Some have lost their babies before their lives begun,
But no matter the age, we cry the same tears.
We understand each others pain,
The bond we share is very strong,
With each other there is no need to explain,
The path we walk is hard and long.
Our children brought us together,
They didn't want us on this journey alone,
They knew we needed each other,
To survive the pain of them being gone.
So take my hand my friend,
We may stumble and fall along the way,
But we'll get up and try again,
Because together we can make it day by day.
We can give each other hope,
We'll create a place where we belong,
Together we will find ways to cope,
Because we are Angel Moms and together we are strong!
Judi Walker

Thursday, June 13, 2013

For my angel


Today I was talking about you with my therapist and, for the first time in months, I started crying...
Just when it had become easier to talk about you without crying...
Just the thought of you gone brought tears to my eyes.  Not only that, but talking about the months prior to 
your departure from this world...
And I understand now that the pain of losing you is greater than me.  It is greater than words can explain.
It is a pain I will carry with me all of the days of my life...


Friday, May 10, 2013

For grieving mothers

For the Mother who spends mother's day in grief...
for the mothers who have given life
which they have been bereaved of...
... The mothers who have no reason to celebrate,
because they have lost their sons or daughters...
the mothers who don't know where to turn on mother's day
so not to see all flowers on display for mothers, reminding them of their loss. For all the mothers who are ignored
because they are mothers no more.

Happy Mother's Day to the Mother in You

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Happy Birthday in Heaven...

Today is your 30th birthday.  In heaven, where you are residing since July 17th 2005.  I miss you, but you are happy now... and safe... and beautiful, just like the angel you are.  And I love you with a love that lasts forever.  A mother's love.  Happy Birthday, my beautiful angel.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Wish you were here...

Wish you were here, a song by Mark Harris - this song was given to me years ago by someone who also lost a child, and it has become a song that I love so much!  The lyrics will sometimes bring tears to my eyes.  

Just because, I wish you were here, my angel... this song is for you.

Missing you...

My angel daughter: an image I carry inside of me, forever...

My angel Getzia with her baby Jayleanna ...

I am still missing you, baby girl...
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you,
Recalling those moments, like memory flashes.
I hear your laughter, I smell your perfume
when the wind carries that scent
and I think of you, and know you are near...
I hear your daughter's voice on the phone
and realize how much she sounds like you...
and the laughter, that clear laughter of hers
when I hear it, I cannot help myself
but think that I am hearing you all over again.
Yes, I am thinking of you today as well
since tomorrow marks your 30th birthday,
and as I think, I can't help but feel grateful
that I got to know you, because
you were a special human being,
although you didn't see yourself that way
most of the time...
How I wish to turn back time
and be able to hear your voice
once again,
and see you, so beautiful always,
and tell you, don't worry
everything is going to be alright...
but you are not here anymore, my child
my beautiful angel in heaven...
I get to go on without you,
missing you, forevermore.

With love,

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


I realized it's your birthday in heaven next week... My baby is going to be 30 years old?  Where did time go? 

And then again, it's been like time stopped the day you left this world.  All I do is try to go on, but you are constantly, forever in my mind, my child.  I feel you, I smell you, I see you walking this earth.... then, when I look close, it's somebody else that closely resembles you... and I long for the day when I can see you again, the real you... when I can hear your voice again, hug you and tell you how terribly I miss you, how life is not the same without you... all those things I want to do when I see you again.   And I dream for that moment to be now, but I have yet to wait... and try to go on and remember the gift you left us: your child Jayleanna... and how beautiful she is  and how much she is like you... and it brings me some sort of relief to have a part of you living among us... but now I am not in Rhode Island and I don't know when I will be able to live there again... close to my Jayle.   And to visit your gravesite again... and to re-live everything all over again...

But I need to wait a little longer.  There's things I need to do here.  I have to remember I am here for a reason, and I will get back to R.I. in due time.  In due time I will revisit the place where everything happened.  In due time...

For now, all I can do is prepare myself mentally and physically for your birthday.  I promise you I will be alright, my love.  But the one thing I can't do is to stop myself from loving you.  I am your mother, and, like I told you once, a mother's love is forever.

So I get to go on, forever loving you...💕💕 💕

-Mommy💕 💕💕

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I dreamed last night

I dreamed last night you held my hand,
But woke and you weren’t there,

And as the teardrops filled my eyes
Your presence filled the air.
I tried again to reach for you,
But found you too far away,
So I began to cry again,
Waiting for the day.
When I see you once again,
I know just what I’ll do,
I’ll gently grab you by the hand,
To make my dream come true.

sourced from: Online Grief Support, posted by: TThuy NTran

Sunday, April 21, 2013

My angel sleeps

Hello, my sweet angel.  I love this picture of the sleeping angel because it makes me think that you are sleeping like when I used to look at you sleeping, so peacefully beautiful!

I have been working a little on this blog as you can see.  It just gives me a great amount of peace to do so.  To put things together because I know you can see it, and read what I say.  And see your baby's pictures as she grows up as beautiful as she is.  And she resembles you in so many ways!  It is just such an amazing reminder that yes, you existed, my darling.  
 Until we meet again; you are forever in my heart and my soul, my sweet angel.   

Mommy ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Fly, my little angel

...This video gave me the chills the first time I heard the lyrics to the song.


A message to heaven



Last night, I spoke to you.  Just like you were in the room with me.  And I cried, but it was a good cry.  I felt a sense of relief in saying what I said.   I could feel your presence right next to me, my angel.  At times, I can smell your perfume.  So light and feminine... so beautiful.  I just pause what am doing at the time and savor the moment.   I know my angel is near me at all times.   I love you, my angel daughter... ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's in Heaven

Happy Valentine's Day in heaven, my sweet child. Today, as you know, is Mommy's birthday, my love!

I am at peace as I celebrate my 54th birthday.  I know you are at peace as well and and I will see you again and that brings me comfort.  I feel a tremendous amount of gratitude to the Lord for allowing me to live yet another day, another year.  It has been hard at times, but I've made it so far.

Another year without you, but you are with me in spirit always: for that, I am grateful.