I realized it's your birthday in heaven next week... My baby is going to be 30 years old?  Where did time go? 

And then again, it's been like time stopped the day you left this world.  All I do is try to go on, but you are constantly, forever in my mind, my child.  I feel you, I smell you, I see you walking this earth.... then, when I look close, it's somebody else that closely resembles you... and I long for the day when I can see you again, the real you... when I can hear your voice again, hug you and tell you how terribly I miss you, how life is not the same without you... all those things I want to do when I see you again.   And I dream for that moment to be now, but I have yet to wait... and try to go on and remember the gift you left us: your child Jayleanna... and how beautiful she is  and how much she is like you... and it brings me some sort of relief to have a part of you living among us... but now I am not in Rhode Island and I don't know when I will be able to live there again... close to my Jayle.   And to visit your gravesite again... and to re-live everything all over again...

But I need to wait a little longer.  There's things I need to do here.  I have to remember I am here for a reason, and I will get back to R.I. in due time.  In due time I will revisit the place where everything happened.  In due time...

For now, all I can do is prepare myself mentally and physically for your birthday.  I promise you I will be alright, my love.  But the one thing I can't do is to stop myself from loving you.  I am your mother, and, like I told you once, a mother's love is forever.

So I get to go on, forever loving you...💕💕 💕

-Mommy💕 💕💕


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