Saturday, May 7, 2016

On your birthday and Mother's Day



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You are present today and always in everything I do.  Can't help thinking about you, my child: doesn't matter how long you have been gone for, I still can't believe you are not here anymore.  That you are not coming through that door, and I won't get to hear your voice and see your laughter and feel your physical presence and why not, taste your food.  You used to clean and cook like I do.   I miss seeing you in the kitchen and seeing you in general.   You are so beautiful, even though you are an angel now... I will talk about you in the present tense whenever I want.

You came into this world on a day like tomorrow: Sunday, May 8th, 1983: Mother's Day.  I will never forget that day.  It was a very hard labor that ended up in a C section, but it was worth it when I saw my very tiny bundle of joy.  You grew up to be a very beautiful smart and amazing young woman.  You had a beautiful smile that hid the most incredible pain in the world.  And then, you took your life.  On a Sunday as well:  Sunday, July 17, 2005.  The day that forever changed my life.  

It has been very hard to go on without you, but I had to do it.  Not only I get to live everyday with the pain that you are not here, your daughter is not allowed to see me and that is killing me alive.  Jayle is now 13 years old and she's beautiful like you, and so tall and smart, and caring, such a wonderful human being!  All I can do is pray for her so I don't go crazy.  My faith is the only thing keeping me alive and I will go on.  And I know I will see you again one day, and as sure as there is one day after the next, I will see my Jayle again.  Yes I will.  And so it is...  ♡˚˚°◦(◡‿◡)◦°˚˚♡




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