A prayer for Jayleanna

My granddaughter Jayleanna is my late daughter Getzia's child.  She went back to her father's house on August 7, 2014.  She is so afraid of her father, that she began shaking and crying and screaming for me not to let her go back to that house after he threatened her on the phone that morning.  She said, "I know I'm in trouble, he will beat me, please grandma don't let me go back! "  My heart just sank on my chest. I called the police, and DCYF to protect my granddaughter, but no one would do anything unless there are physical scars.  

I have tried to have these people listen to me, but DCYF will not have it.  This has been happening since Jayleanna was 4 years old.  To them, I am only a grandmother, I don't exist.  For years, I have been telling them my child is in danger with this man, with his extensive criminal record and now a registered sex offender.   What is wrong with this picture?  What has this child done to have to be subjected to this abuse by this man, both physical and emotional? 

I will not stop fighting for her until somebody listens.  Until there is change in the laws of this state.   Until she is safe by my side. I will not lose hope.  

 I will be saying this prayer every day from now on.  I will also ask the angels to protect her.  You are not alone, Jayle.  Grandma's here and I love you with all my heart.

  

Hold her hand, Jesus

Hold Jayle's hand, Jesus, hold her hand.

          Walk with her in the valley of her loneliness/pain/anxiety/distress and sorrows.

          Hold on to her, Jesus,when she's too afraid to think about her tomorrows.

          Let her lean on you, Jesus, when  she’s too weary to go on.

          Hold her hand, Jesus, through her days and nights until she sees the dawn.

Hold her hand, Jesus, hold Jayle's hand…

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For you, my angel

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Today we celebrate your life....

 
"The reality is that we don't forget, move on, and have closure, but rather we honor, we remember, and incorporate our deceased children and siblings into our lives in a new way. In fact, keeping memories of your loved one alive in your mind and heart is an important part of your healing journey." ~ Harriet Schiff, author of The Bereaved Parent

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On your 9th Angelversary...

Today is my daughter Getzia's 9th anniversary in heaven.  As I think about her more and more, I miss her so much that it hurts sometimes.  I look at her baby Jayleanna, growing beautifully and resembling her mother in so many ways, and I am grateful for this wonderful present I was given.  I feel so blessed!

Today, I choose to celebrate her life.  She will forever be my daughter, even though she took a piece of my heart when she left.

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On your 31st birthday, my angel

Another birthday, another year,
With precious memories of one so dear,
Thoughts today of our lives together,
Hold a love that will live forever.

All my life I will miss you
As the years come and go,
But in my heart you will live forever,
Because I love you so.

It's been two days after your birthday, so this is sort of a belated birthday post.  Forgive me for not writing on that day; I spent the day in a sort of haze, between love and pain and the awareness of how blessed I am.  I felt so loved and appreciated by people who reached out to me on that day with loving kindness and compassion, especially by mothers who haven't lost a child, and whom I haven't met in person, but even though they might live far away, they reached out to me and showed me that I am not alone.  

They looked at your picture and commented on how beautiful you are.  And I felt so proud and so sad at the same time.  My beautiful angel, you took part of my heart with you and that part of my heart now lives in heaven.  And I know you are by my side always.  I can feel you, especially when I'm feeling down.  I can feel your arms wrapped around me, telling me not to cry, because you don't want me to cry.  Because you are finally free from the pain that encompassed your last days on earth.  So I think about that, and I know I will see you again someday, and I feel hopeful and I can go on.  But until that day, I will continue to love and miss you, my beautiful angel...

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I thought of you today

I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too,

I think of you in silence I often speak your name
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame

Your memory is my keepsake with which I'll never part
God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart.

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On your 8th angelversary...

Today I am sad and is perfectly normal...
Losing your loved one is always sad, especially a child;
But I will carry with me today all the good memories
of the time we spent together and they will comfort me.

I still have the drawing of your little hand on a piece of paper, and all the I love you notes you wrote me when you were younger; looking at them brings back sweet memories...
Anniversaries are supposed to be happy, but not this one
but when a tear surfaces, I will say I love you, my angel;
I know you walk with me, always ....

~Mommy



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Angel Moms

We have shared our tears and our sorrow,

We have given encouragement to each other,

Given hope for a brighter tomorrow,
We share the title of grieving mother.

Some of us lost older daughters or sons,
Who we watched grow over the years,
Some have lost their babies before their lives begun,
But no matter the age, we cry the same tears.

We understand each others pain,
The bond we share is very strong,
With each other there is no need to explain,
The path we walk is hard and long.

Our children brought us together,
They didn't want us on this journey alone,
They knew we needed each other,
To survive the pain of them being gone.

So take my hand my friend,
We may stumble and fall along the way,
But we'll get up and try again,
Because together we can make it day by day.

We can give each other hope,
We'll create a place where we belong,
Together we will find ways to cope,
Because we are Angel Moms and together we are strong!

Judi Walker

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For my angel

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Today

Today I was talking about you with my therapist and, for the first time in months, I started crying...
Just when it had become easier to talk about you without crying...
Just the thought of you gone brought tears to my eyes.  Not only that, but talking about the months prior to 
your departure from this world...
And I understand now that the pain of losing you is greater than me.  It is greater than words can explain.
It is a pain I will carry with me all of the days of my life...

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