Missing you...

My angel daughter: an image I carry inside of me, forever...

My angel Getzia with her baby Jayleanna ...

I am still missing you, baby girl...
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you,
Recalling those moments, like memory flashes.
I hear your laughter, I smell your perfume
when the wind carries that scent
and I think of you, and know you are near...
I hear your daughter's voice on the phone
and realize how much she sounds like you...
and the laughter, that clear laughter of hers
when I hear it, I cannot help myself
but think that I am hearing you all over again.
Yes, I am thinking of you today as well
since tomorrow marks your 30th birthday,
and as I think, I can't help but feel grateful
that I got to know you, because
you were a special human being,
although you didn't see yourself that way
most of the time...
How I wish to turn back time
and be able to hear your voice
once again,
and see you, so beautiful always,
and tell you, don't worry
everything is going to be alright...
but you are not here anymore, my child
my beautiful angel in heaven...
I get to go on without you,
missing you, forevermore.


With love,
Mommy♥

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Today...

I realized it's your birthday in heaven next week... My baby is going to be 30 years old?  Where did the time go? 

And then again, it's been like time stopped the day you left this world.  All I do is try to go on, but you are constantly, forever in my mind, my child.  I feel you, I smell you, I see you walking this earth.... then, when I look close, it's somebody else that closely resembles you... and I long for the day when I can see you again, the real you... when I can hear your voice again, hug you and tell you how terribly I miss you, how life is not the same without you... all those things I want to do when I see you again.   And I dream for that moment to be now, but I have yet to wait... and try to go on and remember the gift you left us: your child Jayleanna... and how beautiful she is and how much she is like you... and it brings me some sort of relief to have a part of you living among us... but now I am not in Rhode Island and I don't know when I will be able to live there again... close to my Jayle.   And to visit your gravesite again... and to re-live everything all over again...

But I need to wait a little longer.  There are things I need to do here.  I have to remember I am here for a reason, and I will get back to R.I. in due time.  In due time I will revisit the place where everything happened.  In due time...

For now, all I can do is prepare myself mentally and physically for your birthday.  I promise you I will be alright, my love.  But the one thing I can't do is stop myself from loving you.  I am your mother, and, like I told you once, a mother's love is forever.

So I get to go on, forever loving you...💕💕 💕


-Mommy💕 💕💕

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I dreamed last night

I dreamed last night you held my hand,
But woke and you weren’t there,
And as the teardrops filled my eyes
Your presence filled the air.

I tried again to reach for you,
But found you too far away,
So I began to cry again,
Waiting for the day.

When I see you once again,
I know just what I’ll do,
I’ll gently grab you by the hand,
To make my dream come true.

sourced from: Online Grief Support, posted by: TThuy NTran

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A Poem

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My angel sleeps

Hello, my sweet angel.  I love this picture of the sleeping angel because it makes me think that you are sleeping like when I used to look at you sleeping, so peacefully beautiful!

I have been working a little on this blog as you can see.  It just gives me a great amount of peace to do so.  To put things together because I know you can see it, and read what I say.  And see your baby's pictures as she grows up as beautiful as she is.  And she resembles you in so many ways!  It is just such an amazing reminder that yes, you existed, my darling.  
   
 Until we meet again; you are forever in my heart and my soul, my sweet angel.   

Mommy ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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Fly, my little angel

...This video gave me the chills the first time I heard the lyrics to the song.


 ♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤

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A message to heaven

♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤

♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤♫❤

Last night, I spoke to you.  Just like you were in the room with me.  And I cried, but it was a good cry.  I felt a sense of relief in saying what I said.   I could feel your presence right next to me, my angel.  At times, I can smell your perfume.  So light and feminine... so beautiful.  I just pause what am doing at the time and savor the moment.   I know my angel is near me at all times.   I love you, my angel daughter... ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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Happy Valentine's in Heaven

Happy Valentine's Day in heaven, my sweet child. Today, as you know, is Mommy's birthday, my love!

I am at peace as I celebrate my 54th birthday.  I know you are at peace as well and and I will see you again and that brings me comfort.  I feel a tremendous amount of gratitude to the Lord for allowing me to live yet another day, another year.  It has been hard at times, but I've made it so far.

Another year without you, but you are with me in spirit always: for that, I am grateful.

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Loving synchronicity...

I am writing to tell about an incredible event.  Two days ago, I  met an incredible woman that has an angel in heaven.  Her name is Marisol Martinez and her angel's name is Danny. Turns out that my beautiful soul sister Tai Pelli had sent me a video of a fundraiser for Danny, a walk to aid in the Prevention of Suicide.  We have started communicating ever since, and I am so humbled by Marisol's kind gesture of taking your name with her to the walk!  Another friend, Annette, is doing the same.  I am grateful to the both of them for their loving gesture.  I had tears of gratitude when I found out about this!

Losing you has been the most painful thing I've had to face, my child: there were days I didn't know how to make it.  But through the years, I have been blessed with wonderful people in my life, such as these women, who have touched me in such a way that has allowed me to go on.  I thank God and the angels for allowing me to be here and connect with them and others along the way. 

I am also including this information here.  We don't know if there's someone that would read these lines.  Someone might be going through depression and has contemplated suicide.   I want to reach out in every way possible to others, just like Marisol is doing with the community walks.  I believe we can make a difference, my angel.  And we will.

Here is the link for the AFSP website: http://www.afsp.org/

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Precious Child

This is a song that I listened to in the beginning when my daughter passed, and even though it's been a while, the lyrics still hold true...

Precious Child

Karen Taylor-Good

In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child

In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still

In my heart, you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Though it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever, in my heart

In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child

In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
And you are with me still

In my heart, you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Though it may be true…

Source: LyricFind 

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